I learn a lot from many relationships I had many years ago, from a women I thought I worked with a few weeks ago, from my cheated employees that I let running my business till I got sick of tired all of the lies, from many person who have just passed thru me to used me; that there's two important lesson I promise I won't ever forget or (trust me, this case) even retry to repeat for any sakes.
One, trust is a build able. And once its collapses, even the most creatives human being in this entire eras won't ever come any handy to fix.
Two, resentment are inevitably unforgivable, for forgiving people.
Oh well, this is Ramadan.
I don't want to ruin its purity or mind people with their own business by this article. But just in case it helps to anyone who experienced 'liers' to their life, I hope this writing could represent how much forgiving people could be really harmful at this point.
There was a lot to learn since I was living for 20 months in Hamburg, Germany a few years back. Oh, plenty!
Started from how hard it was to adapt new circumstances, unite with one thoughts with the local people, not to mention -language. Oh I swear, many.
Even though, I found out that european people could be really open minded and individualist at the same time, in general I've learned many of those behaviour in a psychic way! Till I get back to my original and I can see liers as clearly as a crystal ball.
I don't get Indonesian people for quite sometimes.
Started from my boarding house's maid (who multiple times called my dad for money, for couple months, without my acknowledge, for laundry and catering, which I didn't experience any of those services, and I sworn I washed my fuckin laundry every other day and also cooked my self).
My cheated ex-boyfriend who I had been for 6 years didn't do the same things in this case (obviously), but the way he used his chances by buying me with 2 chic(s), still out of my understanding. Back to primitive, there's always a man who come and cheating on a girl, but the person I knew since I would say (my teenage time) till at that point, grew up enough to bale someone out of jail or having a baby; was just totally not the person I used to have in mind. It was just a total jerk -who I asked my self a lot why did I had too many wasted time with this particular ass hole.
Last night, I met this couple that took my money for their married-by-accident's hospital's invoice. I was walking as you can imagine (for being 7 months pregnant), with my husband held my hand and our shopping bags get to the parking lot, I saw this ass hole held their cute little daughter and suddenly when they looked at me, they were shocked & suddenly ran altogether just like there's an explosion or something. Lol.
I still can imagine how funny it was to see a bunch of people who had this feeling as guilt, you know. Ran away. Haha, my husband laugh to death till we get our ride and set home.
"They ran like we were a warcraft." :D
How can people live like that? How can people survive with me who didn't eventually call a police because how pity I felt to see them suffer for food, especially because they have a little daughter, and she's just 3 year old. With a very dirty and narrow house they live on, and their financial problem. Oh no. I just cannot barely imagine how sad being 18 year old and responsible for their sex activities -to be literally.
A few weeks ago, I got this project one of my colleagues offered to me by phone.
Welly belly, I thought it was nice of her of giving me a chances to give a shot especially this project actually in the international range (Oh sorry I can't name it here).
It was a pretty tight deadline I need to took care of, cause this company need an asap result for their arrangements and stuffs or whatever. This particular women, I would say, help my work-sickness by offering this project and ride away connects me with the client from other country and we talked. several times, by phone or email. I agreed with the price, (that my colleagues offered), I tell the representatives by phone for the price agreement to finish the project, we had a smooth deal and it got me pretty serious till I finished the work 2 days earlier from the deadline.
But a week after (after, I finish the whole work) she (my colleagues) called me just to assure me in a very predictable way; do not make an invoice for whatever I've work to those guys. She was pretty persuaded towards the 'god-knows-agent' will take responsible to whatever I've done by this project, if there's a risks or issues she said she'll work with -WHATEVER THO.
It turns out that she was just using me. She begged 75% of my profit for her own as an agents, and for her friend. Her imaginary friend who she said she got this project offered for me told me that she's not an agents, she's not responsible to my work, and the agreement remain set out until the completion. By the result, I got only 25% from the total of my own fuckin profit. Which (again) I finished 2 days earlier from the due! Oh, Come on people, give me some credit here!
not the money I was concerned. I didn't give a shit. It was just a small money I can get every 2 days without deadline or handwork at all -to be honest, but the way she offered me the job, (which is the nicest part of this whole tight situation), I thought it was sweet. I haven't met her in decades, probably. She came out of no where asking for my number, called me nicely and mentioned that she wouldn't forget a competent people like me that's when she actually planted me a trust.
For me now, she's no more than just a -week-ago-lady-who-just-came-by-and-grab-my-money.
I would love to claim that those aren't a situation of everyday of my life -which I feel so bless about.
I may haven't mention how did my ex-employees took away my profits, or how did one of my best friend left me by jealousy. But after all, I agree to how world works. I'm just a tiny human who cannot even help a tree by breathing to it if it's already dead. I'm just none of the size of a dust.
Things like this happens.
Well, the man I wake up with (which is my husband now) always encourage me to let this things go. But as much I wanted to forgive, it is just difficult to forget. Which I'm not further capable of telling if I already forgive or weather I'm not.
Life lessons huh?
To be honest, I'm daily busy with eating a very specific foods and get focus on my pregnancy, hehe. I'm a type of doing whatever I can do as long as it doesn't hurt anybody or disadvantage anyone, (I THINK THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR PRIMITIVE, AY?) but life doesn't work the way as we are being not good. It turns out, works to the way when we are not having any suspicious towards others, not judging anyone, not gossiping anybody with anybody's wrong or right. If we're being not good, then we are the lesson itself. But, what's in it?
Oh I'm not claiming to be a good person in this particular cases, I made mistakes couple times as well. Although -the different with all the cases stated above- I apologised with whatever I committed. I accept my failure, and I don't just ignore like things never happen. But this people, are extremely out of the rages. Have they done that a lot (till they get this expert?) and forget how humanity's rule are thanking or apologising? Oh, and as well, I'm not a person who shut out if there's something wrong happening in my bare eyes, for sure.
Forgiving can be really hard as you get older, someone wise says.
The more you good to other people, the more other people will look up their way to get in to you. Either to mess you up, or love you. Both are doesn't necessarily a bad or good things at the same time, even people who can love you could possibly easy saying their goodbyes, huh?
These people (that I stated above) have had me experience a good life lesson, actually. Heart-pumping? A bit. Cries? Couple times. Resent? Pretty much yeah. Stargazing take them down and burn them altogether? Almost.
But life will be rather flat to be without those ass holes turning it upside down, in my opinion. It took some time for me to think it through, to forgive. I wouldn't have found the more mature me if it didn't figured out earlier. Cause how much I feel that; hate could harm you(yourself) entirely.
I truly believe, Karma does exist. It's a natural phenomenon. It doesn't cheat or can be cheated. It has it own way of giving a life lesson from the lesson that people think they deserve to share. Karma is like a frame of a mean-guy who will turns upside down everyone's life. They're inevitable.
If I ask someone's advice, and they start talk about karma, I will definitely feel hundreds times better, lol.
My point is, although probably Karma is just a phrase in some religion, it has its strength to keep out other people from fighting something and make peace to one another. It builds a positivity in people frame of mind and creates a natural healing process that ends up with no war at all.
As a muslim, I believe God will take turns on what others act upon us, and that's probably has the similarity of what Karma is. Just like physics. Just like math, or biology. You get what you've planted.
Stop being reactive, keep on responsive.
There's thousands of magical things happen the more I get used to accept what world's offer me as a lesson.
I look clearly to my life today, this morning. I still pretty much breathing, thank goodness.
on a beautiful Ramadan's morning, with my little tae kwon do'an baby's kicking my belly real hard.
My big complete family (I may not celebrate Ied day with them this year, but I still bless to have all of them). I look into my husband's eyes who look at me everyday with cherish and love. He never missed one kiss on my cheek or forehead before or after we sleep.
I look into the mirror every morning feel so lucky and my life will be so much complete with the baby arrival in a few months. I look into the people who are loyal with me not just a friend, but as a brother and sister.
Look to my client satisfactions towards my work and asking for a permanent position for further project internationally. I am beyond thankful.
Bad things happen for a reason, billion things you can learn, even the luckiest man in who have walked this earth (Mohammad pbuh) got many obstacles on his journey. But he remain grateful and become selfless.
Trust is the only thing you can pay, and its a definitely an expensive price for people (nowadays). If you live with trust, it may heart breaking, think karma will heal fast enough, but it definitely takes time, and trust me, everything will be paid off.
Take turn and keep on learning!